Greenland: Our Fertile Reemergence in a Land of Ice

Every now and then, I like to Suggest that We Conquer Greenland.  And whenever I do, everyone likes to Complain to me about how Cold it is and that there's nothing to do. Aren't you the same People who use "Desert" as a Pejorative (never Mind how much of Our History is in those Deserts, apparently) and Post Incessantly about "Going Off The Grid"?  I guess you want to be Off The Grid in a Temperate Environment.  Let me know how that works out for you, since you're also the ones who always say "Remember Ruby Ridge?" and "Remember Waco?" whenever someone Suggests an Enclave of any Sort in such a Region (never Mind all the Enclaves that are Thriving, as those are in other Climates, like Orania or the ones in South America).  But I think I have a few Statistics and Concepts that will Interest you:

Greenland is The Least Dense Country On Earth, and There Are No Inter-Settlement Roads. Greenland Is 65 Times Less Dense Than Mongolia, and that's even Despite that 4/5ths Live just in The Southwest. Telecommunications are Monopolized by one Company. This is a Tactician's Wet Dream.

Monopolies are Common in Greenland, and there are still Villages that have No Modern Pluming. Do I Smell A Reform Party Ticket? Yes, I Do. And It Smells Like Victory.

Greenland has BY FAR The World's Highest Suicide Rate. It is Exponentially Greater than any other Country, with 107 Per 1,000. In Other Words: They'll Help Us Kill Them, When They Realize Resistance Is Futile. Best Yet, Some Will Volunteer For Our Side.

While you might at first be Alarmed by all the Night Lights in these Villages, Rest Assured; it's only because Greenlanders are Highly Superstitious. They Believe not only in Ghosts (Southrons, We Know Where I'm Going With This, Yes?) but in Entities called Qivitoq, which some say are Banished Men who have been Driven Mad by the Elements, who Hunt for Survival and have Acquired a Beast-Like Strength. Unsolved Murders are Attributed to Qivitoq, and many Villagers say there are Footprints in the Snow where no one in the Family has Walked.

Greenland has a Higher Per Capita Murder Rate than anywhere in the World but Africa and Latin America. Bodies in the Snow are Nothing New. There are many Locations where Skeletons can be found in the Ice, along Hiking Trails. Our Activities will go Unnoticed.

After Reconquest, what a Location for a Budding Film Industry!

What a Location for Desalination Facilities, and what Potential for Hydro-Electric, Wind (Onshore and Offshore) and Solar Power! Oil is already Drilled for, and the Purest of Water from Glassier is already Bottled there. Rare Resources are Concealed under that Ice. "Oh, Russia! Exclusive Rights, In Exchange For Protection." Now, of course, We'll have to Ensure those are actually Russians, Volga Germans or other Europeans which We are Receiving. Apart from the Visually-Obvious, We can always Finance Genetic Testing by deCODE through these Lucrative Businesses.

Go Ahead, Have Your Enclave; as long as it Appears Innocuous from the Outside, the Internal Proceedings won't have anyone Bothering you. Even if We are The Laziest Re-Conquistador Generation Yet, We could have Decent Lives just in Our Villages.  What a Glorious Age of Technology this is, where even a Remote, Primitively-Constructed Village can have Wi-Fi. 

Our Ancestors did it without WiFi or anywhere near such Knowledge as has been made Available to Us, and they didn't even have Firearms, Snowmobiles, Snowplows, Motorboats, Airplanes and Over 1,000 Years of History to Build on for the Rapid Expansion of a New Political Party.  

Think about it: "Qivitoq" Attack and a Documentary Crew goes out to Investigate.  They become so Enamored with it, they Settle.  They Form a new Militia for the Protection of these Villages, and become Increasingly Vocal about an Avaricious Regime that Lacks Compassion for either Inuit or Danish.  No one will Suspect these People are Allied with the ones Killing the Inuit, Miscegenators and any other Deviants.  After all, they were Present when there were Attacks.  Maybe, We even Recruit some Expendable Student Filmmaker who Provides the Necessary Equipment and the Martyrdom when he or she becomes a Victim of a "Qivitoc" Attack.  Ideally, the Terror will be Captured on Film... but nothing Revealing about the Perpetrator(s).  We could Dress in Hides and Adorn Our Heads with those of Wolves or Reindeer.  Antler-Mutilated Bodies would Help to Sell The Legend, as would Entrails up in Trees or Half-Devoured Animals sticking just enough out of the Snow or from between Rocks to be Discovered.  It is a Simple Effect to Fabricate, to make it Appear that Victims have been Cannibalized.  If someone is not Squeamish about those he Culls or which are Necessary Sacrifices, he can so Disfigure his Victims so it Appears that They were still Alive when he Ate Them.  It will not be Difficult to Frame an Inuit for this, since They are the Actual Inspiration for the Legend.  

Besides, They Attacked Vikings who were The First Nations' Peoples of Southeast Greenland.  This Presents Another Possibility.  However Deranged this "Qivitoc" are to be Portrayed, We could Dispense with the Cannibalistic Imagery that I would otherwise find quite Compelling and Insist - if We are Captured - that We are Leifurs.  That is, Leifur's.  Leifur Eiriksson's.  We will Refer to Inuit as Skrælingi (Plural: Skrælingjar), but have Better either Learn Ancient Icelandic, Old Norse or at least Danish (Preferably, Utilizing not merely more Archaic Words but the Proper Pronunciations of these) or a Combination thereof.  We could always Claim to have Sheltered the Lost and Runaways, to both Add a Romantic Element to Our Culture (which should see itself as in a Holy Racial War, as Vikings had by then Converted to Christianity) and Explain how We would Know any Danish, English or other Languages that We would have Learned from Stranded Hikers who Found Appear in Our Cult.  We would, of course, Develop Our Own Blend and New Words from Combinations of these and Along the Rules of these Different European Languages, and Concentrate on Concealing Our Accent so it is Convincing to even The Best-Trained Linguists that Ours is a Language some 1,000 Years In The Making.   

I don't see why We can't do both.  But, of course, I am as Romantic as Pragmatic.  Perhaps you want to go back to more Traditional Forms of Guerrilla Warfare, as Ironic as that Sounds.  Suit yourself.  Either way, I'll have my Pack of Greenlandic Dogs and some of those Howls in the Moonlight will be me Fostering Legends.  Also, "Greenlandic Dogs" would make an Excellent Name for a Motorcycle Gang... once We have more Roads.  

They Are Begging Us To Conquer Them.  Let's Not Disappoint.